Bygones ☁️

I’m starting a campaign to change bygones into something. Everyone’s always trying to let them be bygones.

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My therapist told me to look inward, and I thought he said “Look, N-word.”
Does anyone genuinely know why at grocery stores they offer a cash back option? Is that just to be nice? That’s like the bank offering you zucchinis!
I’ve decided that I’m not gonna get married until gay people can get married. Cause I’m gay!
I think that an e-mail should be called an e-letter. You say, “I just got an e-mail”, but you wouldn’t say “I just got a mail.” You’d sound stupid.
I wanna open a Jamaican, Irish, Spanish small plate, breakfast restaurant and call it “Tapas the Mornin’ to Jah!”
I don’t trust the whole crepe craze. (First of all, there’s a crepe craze. Second of all, I don’t trust it). I don’t trust anything you can put ham or chocolate on. (That was a joke about dangling prepositions!)

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Can I ask you a question, Scott? Cause I can’t find this anywhere. Is the movie Precious based on the book Push by Sapphire?
When someone talks about like, “I just met this girl and she was down for whatever.” That just means like ass fucking. That’s the only other thing!
Coins are so worthless now that it’s gone from “You can keep the change” to “Can you keep the change?”
You know when people say, “I’ve read studies” or “There’s been studies”… Let’s be honest, there’s probably been one study, or they read one study. I don’t think a lot of people read multiple studies on things.
I like a vagina to be nice and bald. Nothing makes my penis harder than when a girl’s vagina looks like a baby’s butt.
You know how everyone says if you’re gonna get a dog you should adopt it? All fucking dogs are adopted! No one shoots dogs out of their pussies. Unless you’re Mrs. Brodis, Snoop’s mom.
(I call this one “Fun with words”). I’ve said, “I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again” before, but I’ll say, “I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again” again.
The Burbank airport is called the Bob Hope Airport. That’s two things I don’t wanna do while flying: “bob” and “hope”.