Theo Von

Stand-up comedian



March 19, 1980


Covington, Louisiana

Covington, LA


41 years old

A little about Theo

His real name

His real name is Theodor Capitani von Kurnatowski.

My old man

His father, Roland Achilles, was originally from Bluefields, Nicaragua, and was 70 years old when Theo was born.

Get those monkeys

In his early years, he was selected to be part of a search and capture mission when a group of wild monkeys escaped in his town. They were later found in and around the stray animal belt.

Get me outta here

He was legally emancipated at age fourteen.

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Theo's posts (13)

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Theo Von


Weirdest fan experience

Some gal was all cool and made love to me. then went crazy and grabbed a few things outta my bed room to steal and climbed off my balcony to escape and fell and hurt her back. ambos came. idiot.


Original question: Do you publicly endorse certain aspects of Christianity primarily for the sake of providing other Christians (particularly southerners) peace of mind? Question: i dont think so. i have faith in a higher power. i refuse to be alone. i spend most of my life feeling alone and that doesnt work for me. and i prob wouldn't recommend internal loniliness if people were considering it.
calmly. i dont like fierce sex. it aint summerslam its pussy.


not much i dont think. but they may some day. they sure as hell influenced my jr high school years. i google iawasca sometimes.
be a lawyer or work for my brother. he has a tree company and i always wanted to work for him. i dont know, havent been to em all. jury is out.
It will be okay. i promise you. stay close to your instincts. be vulnerable with your heart. wear your seatbelt. dont spray seed in a town you wouldnt want to raise a child in.
i find it hard having faith in a world that lacks it and i think needs it. the profession doesnt help that struggle. for me.


i would say do it. i would say be brave. you only lose by not trying, you dont lose if you dont achieve fame or glory.
Original question: yo dude, since your dad was like 70 when you were born, what was the weirdest thing you had to do for him growing up? Answer: i had to look left and right while he drove bc he couldnt turn his neck


there is a black or african american man who asks to fuck me alot or recently if his buddy could fuck me. like bro, you aint fucking me u just think im gonna let your buddy in?! plus, IM STRAIGHT for now.
ate prob bout a fifteenth of a garbage bag of mushrooms in eight grade. thought i was in a mass grave for 3 hrs but was just laying on dark carpet. Also once tripped really hard in a fridge box with some dogs in it and one of the dogs gave birth while i was in there. And i felt something.