Original question: yo dude, since your dad was like 70 when you were born, what was the weirdest thing you had to do for him growing up?
Answer: i had to look left and right while he drove bc he couldnt turn his neck
Related posts tagged 'Childhood'
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Related posts tagged 'Childhood'
This is how much I wanted to be a comedian and didn’t realize it: I had a paper route for years when I was a kid, and when I was on my route I used to recite George Carlin bits, Richard Pryor, Eddie Murphy — I used to recite his “Hit by a Car” bit word-for-word. I would fantasize about doing it in front of my entire grade in the school auditorium. But I still wasn’t able to make the connection of maybe that means you want to be a comedian. It didn’t seem possible. But I know the exact moment when it seemed possible. I was working in a warehouse with this guy and he was into comedy — first time I’d ever met somebody who was into comedy the way I was. And I used to go over to his house to drin...
Having sex with girls, I think?
Billy Joe Dupree. Preston Pearson. Robert Newhouse. I liked all of those guys. I also liked the Cardiac Kids. I liked the New England Patriots growing up. Running back that wasn't on my team was Earl Campbell.
Ever hurt myself? When I was younger, like 13, 14, I was always skateboarding, and I would get hurt all the time. I had a ramp in my backyard that I would fall down from a lot. And a skatepark opened near us, and one night my brother took us, bought us 2 hours of skating, I went to the big pool and tried to learn aerials, and I got hung up and fell backwards, and broke both wrists, and every told me to get out of the pool so they could skate. Then the skatepark owner made my brother take me to the hospital to get X-rayed, and he was so mad, he screamed at me the whole way, because he couldn't skate his 2 hours. So my stepdad was a doctor, and he saw on the X-rays that both my wrists were cra...
This was elementary school, but once I fell from a swing when I was a little kid cause some bigger kid named Forrest was pushing me too hard. He had me going way too high and the chains got loose and I fell, and I landed on my head really hard. Forrest came up and said, "Are you okay?" and I said, "WHAT DO YOU THINK ASSHOLE?" But it wasn't Forrest, it was a nice teacher named Mrs. O'Tuel. Cause I was a kid, I was dumb, and never even cleared that up with her. Oh well.
The Twilight Zone, All In The Family, Star Trek of course, The Larry Sanders Show was always a favorite
Q: You once recalled a story about when you were a very shy and very young boy and had to take your dad's friend (who was blind) to a store. The blind friend requested that you describe the world around him, what the grass was like, the street lights, etc. The friend was happy and loved that you were describing such things to him. You said for the first time this made you look outward at the world, not inward, and that you fell into a kind of hysteria, laughing uncontrollably. Another time you were talking to a homeless guy who was saying he knew John D. Rockefeller, was at John D. Rockefeller's funeral and all this insane stuff and again you fell deep into laughter.
I had a similar experie...
When I was in first grade on the last day of school, Mrs. Stafford, our teacher, said, "I want to give out a special present today, to a kid in the class who has tried so hard to improve his handwriting." And she's going through this whole speech about this kid; I'm staring at this kid that I knew that she liked, and I just hated him, and I was getting more and more angry. And then at the end, she said it was me! The present was a Dr. Seuss book, The 500 Hats of Bartholomew Cubbins, that I have since thrown out. But I remember it was in purple cellophane wrapping, and I still consider it the greatest honor to have received that gift. So, that was my favorite book.
Ooof, still figuring the mom stuff out! The weird part is, when you grow up with something odd you just think everyone else has it the same way. Around 12 or 13 I realized something was wrong and spent less and less time at home. By the time I was 30 I got my ass into therapy and really figured it out. And yes, separating from her was a huge help. I recommend everyone get their ass into therapy if they feel something is off. It saved my life.
Just whatever it was in my head, it was bleak. I don't remember having any ambitions, any goals, any dreams. It was always, how am I going to get by? What am I going to do? But I didn't really - to be honest, I didn't really give it much thought. Even in college, I didn't give it much thought. I was having fun in college. And basically when people asked me what I was going to do, I just said, oh, something will turn up. What that was, I had no idea. But...
My teens and twenties were really challenging. TV and film wasnt like it is now, where you could turn on the TV and there's a reasonable expectation that you could see people that bore resemblance to me. So I had to dream in a vacuum. I was never, ever, ever skinny, and therefore never considered "pretty", even though I loved clothes and makeup and dressing up. That was really hard in middle school and high school. I was always comforted by this strange little fire inside of me that when I got older things would not be like that. Some comfort, huh? It should be noted that I was a very focused, odd kid. I hope this was helpful! And I hope you get everything you want.
Brian rules. Back in high school we used to ride around in convertibles and hit mailboxes with baseball bats. Oh no, wait. That was the movie "Stand By Me." We were in a couple of plays together. He is actually NOTHING like Kevin and is a smart, hilarious, down-to-earth fella. And a freakishly good golfer.
I farted when I was born and everyone lost it.
The real moment would probably be my first play. I was in 5th grade and those laughs felt so goooood, baby.
I did play a keyboard once but basically used sound effect buttons on it. I quit every instrument I ever played: violin (age 4), piano (age 7), and clarinet (age 12-14). I hate practicing but I do wish I could play piano or guitar. Maybe I'll try someday, or not!
I didn’t start coming into my own as a guy until I was 12 years old. I can actually remember the moment. I went to a party. I was scared to go to this party, but I ended up going anyway. And when I got there, it was like I could tell everyone was really happy I came. And then a kid explained to me, "Man, it’s not as much fun when you’re not here." And I was like, Oh, I didn’t know that. I didn’t realize that kids thought I was funny—that I had actual friends. Even at 14, when I started doing stand-up, I was always a pack animal. I’d like to be a lone wolf, but I’m just not.
My favorite moment was when I threw the big pass that won the game. Or maybe that was Jimmy Hennessey.
Seriously, I went back to Brookline High School about 15 years ago, and it was so much nicer then when I was there. They actually had a sushi bar (not kidding). I felt like I had gone to high school during the Great Depression.
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