When I was in first grade on the last day of school, Mrs. Stafford, our teacher, said, "I want to give out a special present today, to a kid in the class who has tried so hard to improve his handwriting." And she's going through this whole speech about this kid; I'm staring at this kid that I knew that she liked, and I just hated him, and I was getting more and more angry. And then at the end, she said it was me! The present was a Dr. Seuss book, The 500 Hats of Bartholomew Cubbins, that I have since thrown out. But I remember it was in purple cellophane wrapping, and I still consider it the greatest honor to have received that gift. So, that was my favorite book.
My favorite moment was when I threw the big pass that won the game. Or maybe that was Jimmy Hennessey.
Seriously, I went back to Brookline High School about 15 years ago, and it was so much nicer then when I was there. They actually had a sushi bar (not kidding). I felt like I had gone to high school during the Great Depression.
In the pilot when Bill is up in the tree and the big kids are throwing stuff at him. That happened to me and my best friend, minus the fireworks. We were hanging on and crying. That was just such a regular day back then. No supervision, no cameras, didn't even dawn on me to tell my mom what happened. There's also a scene when Kevin sneaks out of the house w/ his amp and guitar, and he falls on his face to save his gear. That was my friend Dave Kushner, it happened to him. He does all the music for F is for Family. He was the rhythm guitarist for Velvet Revolver, I can't believe I even know the guy! He landed face first and knocked all his teeth out. The next morning he drank a 40 through a s...
Billy Joe Dupree. Preston Pearson. Robert Newhouse. I liked all of those guys. I also liked the Cardiac Kids. I liked the New England Patriots growing up. Running back that wasn't on my team was Earl Campbell.
I didn’t start coming into my own as a guy until I was 12 years old. I can actually remember the moment. I went to a party. I was scared to go to this party, but I ended up going anyway. And when I got there, it was like I could tell everyone was really happy I came. And then a kid explained to me, "Man, it’s not as much fun when you’re not here." And I was like, Oh, I didn’t know that. I didn’t realize that kids thought I was funny—that I had actual friends. Even at 14, when I started doing stand-up, I was always a pack animal. I’d like to be a lone wolf, but I’m just not.
This was elementary school, but once I fell from a swing when I was a little kid cause some bigger kid named Forrest was pushing me too hard. He had me going way too high and the chains got loose and I fell, and I landed on my head really hard. Forrest came up and said, "Are you okay?" and I said, "WHAT DO YOU THINK ASSHOLE?" But it wasn't Forrest, it was a nice teacher named Mrs. O'Tuel. Cause I was a kid, I was dumb, and never even cleared that up with her. Oh well.
The audition process for Drake and Josh was very extensive. Three auditions and a screen test. I KID! I auditioned at the Nickelodeon Studios and like every actor's first onscreen role, I shared a scene with a watermelon lamp that my character built for a science fair.
Growing up, I was a huge Jim Carrey and Robin Williams fan, so I knew the whole Mrs. Doubtfire movie, and definitely all of Ace Ventura. So those were my life. I would say those two–I just really wanted to be funny, so I would often impersonate them.
I wasn't the class clown. I was a student who liked school and did a lot of activities, and I kind of floated around. I wasn't very shy, but I didn't really think I would be a performer, and didn't know anyone who was an actor or writer. I was a very kind of typical kid who liked to work hard and have a good time. But I don't think you would've necessarily pointed to me and said "Darn right."
My teens and twenties were really challenging. TV and film wasnt like it is now, where you could turn on the TV and there's a reasonable expectation that you could see people that bore resemblance to me. So I had to dream in a vacuum. I was never, ever, ever skinny, and therefore never considered "pretty", even though I loved clothes and makeup and dressing up. That was really hard in middle school and high school. I was always comforted by this strange little fire inside of me that when I got older things would not be like that. Some comfort, huh? It should be noted that I was a very focused, odd kid. I hope this was helpful! And I hope you get everything you want.
Technically I did win Class Clown senior year of high school but on the voting ballots it said "Funniest" and the Yearbook staff changed it to Class Clown, which I was not at all. I think people voted for me for "funniest" because they knew I did stand up.
Ever hurt myself? When I was younger, like 13, 14, I was always skateboarding, and I would get hurt all the time. I had a ramp in my backyard that I would fall down from a lot. And a skatepark opened near us, and one night my brother took us, bought us 2 hours of skating, I went to the big pool and tried to learn aerials, and I got hung up and fell backwards, and broke both wrists, and every told me to get out of the pool so they could skate. Then the skatepark owner made my brother take me to the hospital to get X-rayed, and he was so mad, he screamed at me the whole way, because he couldn't skate his 2 hours. So my stepdad was a doctor, and he saw on the X-rays that both my wrists were cra...
I was like every member of the Breakfast Club in one. I identify with nerds, drama geeks, athletes, sluts, and prudes. I didn't identify with the kids who had straight As. thanks for your question, that is really nice.
Original question: yo dude, since your dad was like 70 when you were born, what was the weirdest thing you had to do for him growing up?
Answer: i had to look left and right while he drove bc he couldnt turn his neck